Paralysis by Analysis

Paralysis by Analysis is a humoristic phrase used to indicate the situation wherein no decision at all can be made due to devoting disproportionate effort to the analysis phase of a decision.

It is quite simple to hit a brick wall when trying to make difficult decisions. I have found that, while trying to overcome major obstacles in my life, I have been at a complete standstill with the goals and achievements I had always imagined I could and would attain.

It is so easy to get muddled with details and the lesser important things in life. Somehow the 'how you are doing' becomes more important than the 'what you are doing'. You completely lose sight of your personal goals just to get through what seems like a crisis.

I grew up putting out fires. Everything was one emergency after another. Nothing was ever, and I mean EVER, premeditated or planned for. It was always playing a game of catch up and taking care of the immediate needs rather then trying to have foresight for the future. Now, at 25, I am trying to break the pattern. I have been trying so hard to stabilize, settle and alleviate all the damage, that I have found myself right back in square one, no where. I have made no real progress and I haven't had much, if any, immediate personal crisis to stand in my way.

Years ago in college while deciding on what major to choose and direction I should go in, I drew a picture in my head of what my future would look like. Only recently, while focusing on something else (something that really shouldn't have been my focus), I thought of that picture again. And guess what, I didn't fit anymore. Obviously its not too late and 'better late then never' but it was a swift kick in the butt for me. Lately I had been re-prioritizing things anyway to achieve some of those immediate things, those minor fires to be put out, and this just reinforces the need for that.

Prioritize, bite the bullet and mobilize yourself...

I also realized something else. I am beginning to really enjoy my life. Perhaps now was the best time for me to remind myself of what I want for MYSELF. No time like the present! Get paid tomorrow or get paid today...:)

Thanks Jenn for helping me see my plateau...it's time to start climbing again isn't it? :)
Happy Wednesday!

Ain't It Funny How Time Slips Away...

Things have been really busy lately but good. It's really amazing how you can go from watching the clock, just waiting for the time to pass, to wondering where time goes??

I know a few people who are quite literally counting down the minutes, hours, days, weeks and really if you asked me even just a month ago I'd be right there with them. But suddenly things are in fast forward for me...the summer nights are all washing away with the rain and there really just aren't enough hours in the day!

Here is one of my all time favorite Dave songs...whenever I listen to it, it really puts things into perspective for me. :) Maybe it will for you too! I've included the link for the youtube video so you can listen to it, as well as lyrics.

Don't burn the day...

Pig- Dave Matthews Band- Before These Crowded Streets album

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbpvDIxeeZM

Isnt it strange
How we move our lives for another day
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should
Wash us all away
Just thinking out loud
Dont mean to dwell on this dying thing
But looking at blood
Its alive right now
Deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
Drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
Its you and me
This love will open our world
From the dark side you can see a glow
Of something bright
Theres much more than we see here
Dont burn the day away

Is this not enough
The blessed sip of life
Is it not enough
Staring down at the ground
Oh then complain and pray
More from above
Greedy little pig
Stop just watch your world trickle away
Oh its your problem now
Itll all be dead and gone in
A few short years
Just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Dont burn the day away

Come sister
My brother
Shake up your bones shake up your feet
Im saying open up
And let the rain come pouring in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while youre dancing on the ground
Dont think of when youre gone
Love! love! - what more is there?
We need the light of love in here
Dont beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There are bad times
But thats ok
Just look for love in it
Dont burn the day away

Look
Here are we
On this starry night staring into space
And I must say
I feel as small as dust
Lying down here
What point could there be troubling
Head down wondering what will
Become of me
Why concern we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
Time is short but that's all right
Maybe Ill go out in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
Everything must come to an end sometime
Dont burn the day away

Come sister
My brother
Shake up your bones shake up your feet
Im saying open up
And let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while youre dancing on the ground
Dont think of when youre gone
Love! love! - what more is there?
We need the light of love in here
Dont beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There are bad times
But thats ok

Those must be comfortable shoes, I bet you could walk all day in shoes like those

Ever wish you could spend a day in someone else's shoes? Or perhaps wish someone could walk a day in yours?

Sometimes it is easy to get carried away wishing things were different for you, less complicated, easier. And usually other people's lives look simply just like that, easier.

When you look deeper I think you'll begin to realize that the saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side' has some truth to it. Everyone has their own obstacles in life. What you're seeing may not be the entire picture, and that will actually be the case more often then not.

Surprise yourself. Take time to get to know the people around you. See just how green the grass is on their side. Perhaps you'll learn something from their side of the story. Perhaps the people you surround yourself are more interesting and complicated then you thought. :)

This leaves me wondering, how do people see my life? How comfortable do my shoes look to others? How green is my grass from their point of view?

With that being said, I also want to encourage people to comment on my posts. I want to hear your thoughts and reactions to the things I think about.

Tell Me I'm Making the Right Decision...

If you've been asking someone this question lately, then join the club. It seems to have been the question of the week! I even considered if I too am making the right choice this weekend. I truly think I am.

One of my closest friends is reading a book titled, If it Hurts, It isn't Love. I haven't even cracked the spine and I know I will benefit and learn a lot from reading it. I can't wait until she is done reading it, and I the book I'm amidst, so that I can begin absorbing it's lessons. :)

If the bad times out way the good, if you feel weighed down, guilty or self conscious, I think it is a red flag that things aren't right. Something needs to change. And seeing as we can't control others behaviors or choices, we must bring it back to the basics...ourselves. Make small changes and think more openly. Take small steps towards a better stronger you.

It is true, life is hard, it is messy and complicated but, it is also a beautiful place. We can't squander our time wallowing in the sadness and complications of our relationships. We need to be out there experiencing smiling and laughing. If you're questioning your choice, keep moving and learn from it. There are no wrong turns in life, only lessons to be learned. If it was right you'll be led back to it in the end so let go a little and have faith in yourself. You are exactly where you need to be, at the right place at the right time.

So here goes nothing, a new chapter in my life. :)

Happy Mothers Day.

There are three people in my life that are already the best, strongest mothers I know.
Happy Mothers Day Jenn, Kate and Catherine.

Tacosss

P.s. Friday nights are Taco night in our house. Sharon and I are pretty pumped. Then it's the Joshua Tree for the playoff games!Whoot whoot! Go Bruins & Celtics (and sox as always)!!!

The Silver Lining

I'm not sure how many of you (if there are any of you out there), watch much TV. I personally don't have the motivation usually to strictly follow a paticular show, however the amount of TV I've been watching has increased considerably since living with Sharon. There have been some shows that I loved, yet I would only ever watch them when I had time to, or if I happen to be plopped on the couch when they were on. I've begun to follow so many shows with Sharon. She has sucked me into this virtual environment and all the little stories and dramas and competitions have become quite enthrawling. There are even a few shows now that only I enjoy that are on our DVR list! I am quite the convert.

Anyway, there is a point to this tangent. Last night after watching Grey's Anatomy a new show came on before we changed the channel to the next show on our list of 'Must Watch'. It's called the Adventures of the Incurable Optomist. It tapped into this side of me that is usually there. The hopeless romantic, the fighter, the happy go lucky Laura. As you've read, recently I have become this melodramatic person who has really been focused on the dark side of life. You may even notice in my previous blogs (all two of them), I tend to strive for some moral or lesson to be learned, something good to hope for. Some silver lining.

I think seeing the show tapped into that optomistic person in me again, whom I'd forgotten about, temporarily. I have been alot happier and alot more relaxed lately. I clearly have my days but the balance is getitng better, and watching that helped me realize it.

I think there is something magnificant to be learned from Michael J Fox and his struggles and adventures, as silly as that may sound. His perspective is rare yet I think we all have a small person inside of us that is similar. Sometimes listening to our inner optomist is harder then accepting and seeing all the negative things in life and so we can get caught up in the tainted, jaded world.

Soo, if there's anyone out there and I truly hope there is, I challange you to look at all the things in your life that you consider negative, or an obstacle and find the silver lining with each of them, whether is be a lesson to learn or a new relationship/friendship in your life or some positive consequense that is a result of this hurtle in your life...its there. You just need to acknowledge it.

Jumpin on the lisbet train...

”We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness'."
It's baffling how your life can change so drastically in what seems no time at all. I often find myself questioning my whole being and especially the decisions I've made through out my life. Is this what I want? Am I happy? Will I ever be?

I think that’s all any of us are looking for. Happiness.
I've always thought that part of my happiness was the happiness of the people I surround myself with. I was also very afraid to be alone. It wasn't until someone very close to me pointed out how ludicrous it was, that I had actually realized that I should and can step away from this fear. I began to see so much more while just walking and watching and experiencing things on my own. I am very much a ‘people person’ however I am slowly changing. I am slowly becoming a little less afraid of having no witness.

On the virtual pages to follow you will read the many meanderings of my existence. I figure those who read it may become my witnesses.

So here we go…

A bit about me:
I am 24 years old, I am one of seven children , I am a friend, I am a cousin, I am a granddaughter, I am a roommate, I am a student, I am a professional, I am a patient.
I am a mess…
I grew up moving around quite a bit until I reached 2nd grade and my parents had finally settled in Princeton, MA. I was quite the little tom boy so I spent a decent amount of my time running around in the wooded area in our neighborhood and learning as many new sports as possible. My sisters were all mostly cheerleaders and girl scouts. While I tried the Girl Scout route, the only parts I ever really enjoyed were the thin mints and the camping, so I quit. I directed my attention to basketball, baseball, and soccer. I loved soccer. I still do, although I haven’t played in years now. Something about the smell of dirt and sweat and my burning hot face from running around non-stop was just, intoxicating. As I get older I find that there are quite a few things that elicit this somewhat of an intoxicated state. Oddly enough, none of which include alcohol.
Through out middle school and high school I was fairly shy. I made close friends with the girls I had grown up with finally and began to realize that life and experiences outside of my house were always so much better, happier and less stressful. I practically lived at my friends houses. I hated being home, even though leaving made me worried too. When I left for college things were going to change. I would have freedom and distance and a life of my own.
They did superficially but underneath it was all the same. I was still constantly worried and dealing with one dramatic crisis after the other. (These issues you may not be privy to. All in good time.) So I drank my way through college. I worked all the time and went to class and drank what money I didn’t spend on school and books. Senior year I was diagnosed with ADHD. HAHAHAHAHAHA this was pretty hilarious seeing as I was 21 and nearly through my college education. I switched my major in hope to graduate on time with my friends and left school with three classes. Moved to LA to get the hell away from life and stayed for a year. I loved it and hated it. I spent way too much money and made many mistakes…all of which I have learned from. Now I am back on the East Coast, and while I miss the west coast immensely, I know I am where I need to be and I am finally moving in a direction for my future. One small step at a time I am getting there.
Last night I signed my first lease. As we took a final walk around the house what we will soon be living in I felt tears brim up in my eyes and realized that I’ll finally be home…I’ll finally have a place that’s just as much mine as it is the people’s I will be living with. I will finally have even say and pull on house decisions and I can have a say over the environment I am living in. This is huge for me. When growing up, home was never home, I was always looking to go to someone else’s house to escape my own. When I left for college it was a bit better but every time those long summer breaks came around I was brought back to reality, college is not home. And while this is only a lease, I still will have the security I need and I will have given it to myself. They say you don’t appreciate things unless you have truly earned them…well I think I’ve worked towards this for quite a while now and man…am I grateful. So, here is to new beginnings *which I have had quite a few of*, and to being that one step closer towards happiness…happiness with my own life, the one I am building on my own…independently. Cheers!